I never understood feminism...

I have to admit, I never understood feminism.

Well, it’s not that I never understood it, but to me too often the rhetoric seemed to be men bashing and polarizing the movement into “Women vs. Men”. This made me uncomfortable. I did nothing to infringe on your rights aside from being born male, why am I confronted with and subjected to rhetoric that marginalizes me and makes me feel guilty about my sex? Not to mention, at a glance it seems like traditional gender roles in dating and romance place women on a pedestal; the man is expected to initiate contact, be funny, charming, the traditional expectation is for a man to pay for the date, etc…

I have to admit, I never really understood feminism. Growing up in a “traditional” household in the 1990’s gender roles weren’t questioned. My dad was the primary breadwinner, my mom worked in a clerical position. The shining example of the post-war family ideal. 

 For International Women’s Day earlier this week I wanted to explore what feminism is, I wanted to point out that the often confrontational positions actually entrench male stereotypical views and further polarize “men vs. women”, counterproductive to making real progress. Of course women’s rights both at home and globally need to improve, but further polarization could not possibly be the answer.

I wanted to point out that it is too easy to point the finger at “men”, when it is not actually me and my “brothers” that created the issue. And that while we are quick to jump to the aid of a woman’s body image, embracing real bodies and decrying the hyper sexualisation of the female form, men are also bombarded with unrealistic body images of six pack abs and chiseled features. While men that objectify women are often looked down on with derision by members of both sexes (“Dude, how could you possibly be that shallow? C’mon, it’s 2016”) it seems I hear “Oh my god, Leo is so yummy!” or some variation on that all the time, never accompanied by the same discussion of “objectification of men”.

The more I dug into feminism, the more I read about feminism, the more I found that I never really understood feminism.

There are still VERY real issues that women face, we cannot belittle this. Women still tend to make less than their male counterparts, although this has improved in the last few decades (the average salary of Canadian women aged 25-34 has increased ~700% faster than men in the same age group). However, the “Stereotype Threat” still keeps girls away from technologies, sciences, and other traditionally male associated professions; the misfounded assertion that math and science are “boy’s subjects” actually leads girls away from these paths further supporting the patriarchal hierarchy in these fields. It’s not that I ever discounted this, it just seems that these issues are relatively minor compared to suffrage, land ownership, access to education, and the other major feminist issues of the last century.

It seemed that “radical feminists” were pursuing ever smaller victories with ever increasing ardour and “penis hate”. Maybe they were, but I never really understood feminism.

I think confusion like mine is what is leading to the creation of “Meninism” and other “men’s rights” groups that don’t necessarily seek to empower, but just to oppose. Well guys, we don’t need “Meninism” because guess what? Feminism already includes us.

I never really understood feminism, maybe I still don’t, but this essay (http://time.com/4215897/alanis-morissette-feminism/) from Alanis Morissette definitely helped my understanding.

Early feminism is focused primarily on women’s rights, on achieving equal status for men and women. In developed nations the first waves of feminism have come and gone, but there are still places in the world where women’s rights are lacking; “Marital Exemption” in rape laws still exist in the world, in Japan women are held to far higher standards than men, even here in North America double standards exist that label some girls as “sluts” while boys may be “players” or “pimp” or some other variation. This inherently is women standing up for women’s rights and is the basis of “First Wave” and “Second Wave” feminism.

But I think the new wave of feminism, or “Third Wave Feminism” is completely different. Instead of men vs. women, it seeks to recognize masculine vs. feminine. The patriarchal society actually marginalizes everyone; traditional gender roles take power over your own life away and set expectations regardless of gender. That men should be engineers, firefighters and construction workers isn’t any more true than that women should be nurses, teachers, and care givers. That men should be stoic, not displaying emotions, pushing them down to eliminate any “weakness” is just as damaging a sentiment as suggesting that a woman should be nurturers and carers sacrificing career to fulfill “female tendencies”.

I never really understood feminism, or how polarizing a discussion could lead to positive results. But realizing that everyone is both masculine and feminine, to varying degrees, and that the feminine form should be embraced and celebrated is something I can understand. That both masculine and feminine NEED to be present and in balance seems natural to me. Taking this stance includes women, men, transgender people, or however you gender identify. It includes heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, or however you sexually identify. It is an inclusive position that seeks to bring people together instead of driving them apart.

I try to live my life by two philosophies (maybe I’ll write about this another time). The first philosophy is: Don’t be a dick. To me this is very far reaching and has extremely wide implications; that’s on purpose. The key thing to remember is, first and foremost, we are all HUMANS. Regardless of gender, sexuality, race, culture, religion, etc.. we are all people first, we all have the same or similar basic needs, and we all share around 99.5% of our DNA. If we can accept this, it doesn’t matter what our beliefs or anything else are, at the very base of it all we all share something in common. Even if we can agree on nothing else, we can agree that we are both human and can recognize that about each other.

This inclusive attitude seems much more productive. We need to work together to discuss how we can change attitudes, how we can eliminate expectations, and how we can make society more tolerant and accepting for everyone. It’s not useful to put “bro’s before hoe’s” or “sista’s before mista’s”, there needs to be a balance, or homie-hoe-stasis… (ha! I love that joke and had to use it…)

I still may not understand feminism, but I am happy to call myself a feminist.

Where are OUR allies?

I'll be the first to admit it. I come from the most over-privileged "class" on earth: the white, Christian (or at least Agnostic), heterosexual male. So much like the Alberta oil workers questioning where Alberta's allies are, I might not get more than a "oh boo-hoo" for questioning where all the allies of today's youth and of the "Millennial" generation are. We are too often called "entitled", "lazy", or "narcissistic", the fact of the matter is that we have different values than the generation before us. The problem is that the world we are inheriting was built by the generations before us, and truthfully, they didn't do a very good job...

But unlike (some of) the Alberta oil workers, I haven't had a chance yet. It's not that I am having something taken away from me, I'm not losing my job, it's that frankly, I never really had the same opportunities to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I've been given "opportunities" aplenty--as I said as a white male I am probably given more opportunities than many of my peers--but at the same time I think I (and many of my peers) have earned the right to look at my position with the same righteous outrage as the oil workers who suddenly find themselves out of work.

I grew up in Squamish, a small town about 45 minutes north of Vancouver. I was always a smart kid, and I took an interest in science at a fairly young age. I remember when I was probably around 7 or 8 one of my daycare providers took us to the public library. Making my way over to the reference section I grabbed the big "C" volume of the Encyclopedia Brittanica (for you kids, its basically a big, non-digital version of Wikipedia. This was before people really had the internet...) and flipped it open to "Cancer" and eagerly began reading convinced that one day I would be a famous scientist or doctor that would cure cancer. This stayed with me as I moved off to Victoria for my bachelors in biochemistry, and I even got my chance to be a real life scientist when I studied Lyme Disease during my masters degree in Calgary. Surely a smart, well educated kid from a privileged class should have nothing to complain about; the stereotypical view of this time of your life is that it should be fun, partying, enjoying life before kids and the greater responsibilities of life come your way.

I don't think that my own "vision" of how my life should be is unreasonable either. Sure I have expectations for my life, someday I'd like to own a home, I'd like to be able to pursue my hobbies, and I do drive a nice car, even if it is a Hyundai. But, I never thought that as a "Master of Science" working in the biotech industry (an industry that is growing at a projected CAGR of 12%, one of the fastest of any industry) I would be living in a dark, poorly maintained basement suite. And NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever think that as a "professional" in the biotech industry I would be moving out of said basement suite into a house with 7 roommates because I couldn't afford to keep the basement. After 17 years of school and 7 years of paying tuition I am finally earning an income, I have relatively little debt, how is it that I am finding it so hard to live?

There are a couple factors that I think are contributing here. The first, and I know it has been beaten to death, is that unfortunately (and at the same time very, very fortunately) I live in Vancouver. For anyone that has been in a coma for the last year and only just came out of it: First, what the hell are you doing reading a stupid blog by some twenty-something kid? Get out there and enjoy the world again! Second, affordability in Vancouver has been one of the biggest discussions of the last year (which is why I won't talk about it more than this, many more people have written about this in far greater depth with better analysis and discussion than I could). Suffice to say, as a "local" it almost feels like my home has turned its back on me, that factors I couldn't control and could never control have made it so I have to choose between my home, where my family is, and fulfilling my life "goals" (which really, is having a place to live and enough means to support myself really a "goal"?).

The second factor (which I think definitely contributes to the first factor) is basic human greed. Let's get one thing straight right off the bat: Trickle down economics, while a great idea in principle, does not exist. As revenues increase, as profit increases, as corporations are given tax breaks and exploit tax loopholes, all of that money does NOT make its way down to the employees in the mail-room. In every company I've ever worked for it barely makes it out of the executive office, in fact most of it probably makes its way out of the country...

To illustrate the elaborate scam of trickle down economics (without disclosing confidential information), my company made enough PROFIT last year that if it were shared evenly among the employees everyone would get around an extra $100,000; do you think any of us saw a single cent (in the form of a raise, bonus, etc.)? Out of interest we dug out one of my dad's old tax returns from when he was my age. He made the exact same salary in 1986 as I do now.

Over-educated and under-paid seems like an all too common saying these days when referring to our young people. Do you have any idea how many "Dr. So-and-so, PhD"s I know that are not working in their field and making WAYY less than you'd expect? Would you believe me if I told you I know PhD's that make roughly the same as a teenager working at McDonalds? Well it's true... And I'm not even talking about a PhD in philosophy (sorry philosophists...), I am talking about microbiology, neurobiology, biochemistry, the type of people that you'd think should be saving the world from Ebola, Zika virus, or the next super bug that emerges (NDM-1 scares the SHITE outta me).

As a fun exercise one day I sat down and thought about how much I would need to live the rest of my life without working. I decided that I'll probably live until I'm around 80, and $100,000 a year from now to then (~50 years) would likely give me a fairly extravagant lifestyle; at the very least I would be extremely comfortable. Add on top of that a house (lets call that a cool $1M), and maybe a little extra for some toys and fun stuff... It's not unreasonable to say that a person could live extremely comfortably without working a single day in their life with $10M. The fact that some people have accrued orders of magnitude more than this (or that Kanye has lost more than this) is staggering.

When you think about it, what is "wealth"? For the sake of this conversation let's view it like this: Tim chops down a tree, Bob needs some wood so he trades Tim for the wood, but because Bob doesn't have anything that Tim wants they trade "money" so that Tim can go exchange the money in town for a service that he needs or maybe that nice new pair of long underwear with the fancy butt flap that he's had his eye on (run on sentence much? Ha! I'm leaving it.).

In short, we take something from the earth, convert it to "wealth", and spend that wealth on our needs. The oil company takes the oil from the ground and trades it for money which it uses to pay its workers, open more wells, buy excessive amounts of Dove dish detergent to clean up oil soaked wildlife, etc... When you boil down to the very bottom, money is a measure of the resources extracted from the earth and the effort to obtain it. Every dollar in your bank account is a measure of some resource extracted from the earth whether it was here in Canada or in another country (after all, commodities make the world go round).

If we accept that the earth belongs to no one, that it is shared by us all and therefore MUST belong to us all and to future generations as well, this system seems to be unfair. If we consider that taking $10M from the earth seems to be more than enough to live an enviable lifestyle for your entire life and that some people have taken MORE than this we start to get angry. When we realize that the "extra" amount that these people took comes from our share, our children's share, our grand children's share, that the earth won't heal itself unless WE take less (cause we can't really expect those greedy ass-wipes to take less), we start to get furious. Did you read the one about the Chinese billionaire that bought a $170 M painting at auction on his AmEx black card and now has enough points to fly his family first class for free for the rest of their lives (and that's the reason he did it)? Yeah, fuck that guy.

I bet right now the oil workers are sick of hearing "well you should have saved when times were good". That is a pretty uninformed statement. Do you know why a lot of the oil workers are broke right now? Yes, some of them did go buy fancy new trucks, however, when I lived in Calgary it was well known that rent in Fort McMurray was astronomical. Yes, these men and women may have earned a lot of money, but they were squeezed for as much of it as possible. This is why I have sympathy for them, much like them I have a "good" job, but I'm not exactly getting anywhere in my life and I accredit it largely to the "greed" of the people above me (bosses, landlords, etc...).

Over the years what we've basically done is created a great machine where a few people can get to the top and accumulate vast amounts of wealth. The rest of us are given just enough of a taste of the good life. We buy a nice car, or a nice house because that's a reasonable thing to want in your life, and then you're trapped. You can't quit your job where they treat you like shit because you'd lose your income, and they don't pay you enough that you can save anything to do something drastic in your life like changing careers while balancing that mortgage and car payments. So you're (seemingly) stuck.

The sad truth is employers treat employees like shit largely because employees let employers treat them like shit, but that's kinda part of the system. This is akin to hiring a "nanny" and paying them a wage then deducting the entire wage in room and board. People have been arrested for that, seriously, go read the news. And yet we do it to ourselves, and we let our employers do it to us too. (OK, I admit that was an EXTREMELY hyperbolic comparison and there were many other factors in the case I was referring to, but damn who doesn't like a good hyperbole? Anything with the prefix "hyper" is ok in my books: hyperspeed, hyperspace....)

So I ask: where are OUR allies? It seems like every other day I see another blog or news article about the "Millennial Exodus" from Vancouver. With a little searching you can find statements and analyses from politicians, academics, "business people", and while everyone seems to be concerned, no one seems to be able or willing to do anything about it. Thanks Christy, for giving me a tax break on a housing market I can't afford to get into anyways... We acknowledge that wage stagnation and a hot housing market is a serious problem, but what are we actually doing about it?

And when referring to the housing crisis, yes, I agree that it would be unfortunate to wipe out billions of dollars of private capital through policy changes. But what about someone who bought into the stock market just before the recession hit? How much of that sweet, sweet bail-out money went to recovering the money lost in private portfolios? How much are we willing to trade our future to pad the pockets of Vancouver's wealthy "investors"?

Buying into a fluctuating market (stock, housing) at any time is a risk; when it is inflated it is an even bigger risk. An inflated stock market deflates, an inflated housing market deflates or collapses. If the housing market in Vancouver did collapse, I bet we'd figure out really quickly who the real "Vancouverites" are and how much speculation and foreign money parking there is in the market.

I'm no expert, I have no idea what to do. I'm just another twenty-something year old who feels like their home has turned its back on them. I'm frustrated and I'm starting to wonder, like many others my age, if I shouldn't just leave for the US, for Europe, for anywhere but here. And while I feel sympathy for Alberta, a place I called home for almost 5 years, please don't look west thinking that we can help you. I assure you, we've got problems of our own.

How to meet people at a party

It's kind of funny. I don't consider myself a "partier", I actually consider myself fairly socially anxious and generally not good at meeting and connecting with people. Yet one of the most common things I hear is "I won't know anyone at that party..." or "I'm not good at meeting new people". And you know what? I get it. It wasn't that long ago that parties were incredibly hard for me.

Parties can be a stressful time for anyone. Chances are there are tens, if not hundreds, of people there, most of whom you don't know. Add on top of that some sort of expectation of meeting new people and socializing with complete strangers who you seemingly have nothing in common with. And, if you're single for whatever reason we place some weird thought that we are going to meet the partner of our dreams at a party (Ha! Thanks for that one TV...). We put so much pressure in our heads of our own expectations to socialize, and even what the evening should turn out like. With so much pressure its obvious why parties can be so stressful for most people.

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A little over a year ago I went through a HUGE change in my life. I had recently finished school and moved to Vancouver. Transitioning from "student" to "employee" was definitely difficult to get used to (I still haven't figured it out...) and after years of being in a relationship and having "couple friends" I found myself in a new city with a very small social circle.

For those of you who don't know me that well, I had (and still do have) tons of self esteem and social anxiety problems. I didn't think I was good enough, so how could some random stranger possibly see anything but the bad parts of me, which in my opinion were so glaringly obvious. Going to a party seemed way too daunting, and talking to strangers while trying to cover and hide my insecurities seemed like way too much energy. I was afraid and my social anxieties were preventing me from growing as a person.

A good friend of mine from high-school had invited me to a party. I was nervous, I didn't know anyone else at this party and I've never been great at meeting people at parties. At the time I didn't feel that good about myself, and if I didn't like myself how could I possibly be good enough for other people to like me? I was afraid of being judged and I was letting that fear control my social experiences. I've got to admit, I almost bailed--I'd bailed on previous parties before that one--but with great trepidation I headed off to the party to try and have fun...

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It's easy to see how when we place so much pressure on "having fun" at a party we make it extremely difficult to have fun. Add on top of that our fear of being judged and our own social anxieties and insecurities and going to a party may seem incredibly daunting. Removing some of our expectations definitely makes this easier, and beyond that there are "tricks" to make the party easier for you.

Let's deal with one fallacy now: for the most part people aren't judging you. Well they are, but they are only judging you as much as you judge them. As long as you are a decent human being chances are you will pass their initial "test". But here is the big point: the only person you are not good enough for is you. Even if you meet someone and you feel judged by them, don't worry about that asshat. Besides, you don't want to be friends with a judgemental dick face that you're constantly trying to impress anyways. The trick will be to find the people that "fit" you (don't try to be someone you're not just to impress people) and not worry about the people that don't; the people you want to be friends with will be accepting of you.

Some people really are just good at meeting new people, just walking up to random people and starting a conversation. I know, I'm jealous of it too. You hear things like "oh he's just naturally social" or "she was always a social butterfly when she was a kid". Well, as far as I know there is no "social gene", these people are good conversationalists because they've had a lot of practice. If they were outgoing kids, they've been talking to people, and often "random people", their whole lives. The rest of us, well we have a little more difficulty doing this.

I know it's difficult. It still makes me laugh a little when I hear things like "well it's easy for you, you're a social person..." or "you make it look so easy, I can't do that...". Honestly, not that long ago neither could I. Here are some of the things that I have done and how I "survive" at a party; I've managed to meet a lot of amazing people this way and grown my friends from one person to an entire network (and in fact, now a few different "groups" of friends). I don't know if this is the best advice for everyone, it works for me, and hopefully it will help anyone who doesn't "know how to talk to random people at parties".

1. Make goals for the party... then throw them away

I've gotta admit, I did some reading before writing this post to see what other people recommend for "surviving an adult party". Most of what I read had at least one recommendation in common: have a goal for the evening. For example, if you want to meet new people set a goal of talking to "x" number of strangers throughout the evening. That way you can take your mind off of the stresses of the situation and focus on your goal.

Personally, I think this is a dumb idea. Having a goal for the party only sets expectations and adds to the stresses of going to the party in the first place. So take any expectations you have for any party and throw them away. I tend to go to a party with the attitude of "let's see where the night takes me" and I usually come away from parties having had a TON of fun. So take any expectations and throw them away, give in to the idea that you can't really control anything that happens at the party, and you especially can't control what other people think. So you have a choice to make: give into your fear and stay home, or let go of your fear and expectations and go in with the mindset of just "experiencing something new".

2. Have a "Thunder Buddy"

Having a friend (or a few friends) at a party makes it significantly easier. Now you have a friendly face, someone that you are comfortable with, to make sure that the party is a fun experience for both of you. A drinking buddy, a conversation partner, a lifeline to provide a bubble of comfort in this stressful, chaotic environment. The goal is to throughout the night to build additional "anchor points"  to make the evening easier; if you can start out with a friendly face already there, the party can become significantly easier for you.

3. Make like a root beer and float

It is important to have a Thunder Buddy (or several) at a party so that you have some friendly faces to provide comfort. However, it is easy to then segregate yourself off and just stay with your friends, and while this is comfortable, you are effectively letting your fear prevent you from different experiences.

Personally, I think it is important to "float" through a party; bounce from group to group, meeting people, having interesting conversations, and generally just seeing where the evening takes me. I know, this is the difficult part, to leave the comfort of your friend(s) and put yourself out there for people to potentially "judge". Plus how do you even start a conversation with someone that you apparently have nothing in common with?

Well, I hate to break it to you, but this is the hard part. Everything we've talked about up till now has been about tempering expectations, giving you the tools you need to succeed, and now it's time to put them to work. Don't worry, this isn't (hopefully) just another "suck it up you wuss, just magically change the way you think instantly and go talk to people". Well, your brain doesn't work like that. My brain doesn't work like that. I can't just "switch off" my anxieties, but I do have tools to deal with them.

Also, usually there is lots of stuff going on at a party. Getting in on a game of flip cup or beer pong, or even just watching these games, is an easy, low pressure way to meet people. You'll never be involved in these things if you stand in the corner by yourself all night!

4. The art of entering a conversation

Starting a conversation is hard. I'm a reasonably social person now (I wasn't a year ago), but even I have trouble walking up to a complete stranger and saying something more interesting than "Nice weather we're having huh?". But there are tricks, ESPECIALLY at a party.

The easiest way is to join a conversation that is already going. Find a group of people that are already in conversation (a "medium" sized group will probably work best) and join them, wait until a breaking point in the conversation then turn to the person next to you and say "Sorry, I didn't catch your name, I'm Nick." Well guess what, you just introduced yourself to someone AND "broke the ice" to start a new conversation all in one easy little sentence. On top of that you didn't have to put pressure on yourself to think of something witty or interesting and the conversation can naturally go from there. Not to mention, you can probably find a tangent from the original topic to start your new conversation.

Finding a random topic of conversation that you are both interested in is never easy. Well that is where story telling comes in. When you are telling a story, you don't have to be particularly insightful, you don't even have to think that much because you are basically just remembering something that happened. And it will (usually) keep someone engaged with what you are saying. If you joined a conversation you may even have a story that is relevant to the topic. The funny thing is, if you share a story, chances are, the other person will then share a related story with you. Don't look now, but you have a full blown conversation going!

These conversations will go easier as time goes on; remember, even the people who seem really good at conversations are only really good because they have had more practice! You might not be comfortable sharing a story or really going beyond small talk at first, and that is OK too. These first conversations often aren't about making lasting connections, they are a feeling out process for both you and the other person. You don't have to be best friends after a 5 minute conversation, but hopefully you now have at least another friendly-ish face at the party.

5. "What was your name again?"

Not everyone you talk to will be a perfect (or even a good) mesh with you and your personality. However, there will be some people that seem like really cool or really good people that you get along with. Jackpot! Those are the exact people you came here to meet! The first thing I can suggest is to make an effort to learn (and remember) their name. I am terrible with names, especially at parties (I know a lot of people are the same way). When I meet someone that seems like a cool person, I make an effort to learn and remember their name so that if I see them later in the evening I can say "Hey Derek! How's the party going?" or something along those lines. In my mind, I have differentiated them from all the other people at the party and am moving on to the next step of "friendship". Funny thing, people are generally a LOT more accepting and friendly when you make an effort to be friendly with them. Making the effort to remember someone's name is definitely a friendly gesture on your part and will help you make connections at the party.

As you make these connections, it has an "unexpected" but obvious side effect. Remember how we talked about how it is good to have Thunder Buddies? Well guess what, now that you've made a more significant connection with this awesome person that used to be a stranger, you have a new Thunder Buddy for the evening!

6. Escape as needed

Here's another blatant truth: not all conversations are going to be "fun" or "easy". You don't have to be everyone's friend, you just may not have a lot in common with someone, or you may find that their personality just rubs you the wrong way (or yours them). I placed so much importance in bouncing from group to group on meeting people and having a "successful" party for yourself because it kind of is a numbers game. The more people you talk to the more likely it is that you meet someone awesome!

You definitely don't want to talk to people until you reach a point where you are just standing looking at each other until one of you inevitably says "Well, I'm leaving now...". Even conversations with friends will eventually peter out. Having a couple tricks to get away from a conversation is good too.

First, don't just dip mid conversation. That's just rude. Wait for a natural break in conversation, then throw out one of these beauts...

"Aw man, I need to grab a new drink. I'll catch up with you later"

"I need to find where [insert friends name] went, talk later?"

"Aw man, I should have never broken the seal!! Nice chatting with you, see you around!"

"I'm starting to get a little cold, I think I'm going to head inside"

Or something along those lines. The point is two-fold: if you're trying to be social, standing around making awkward small talk with the same person all night is not social. On top of that, if you are trying to have fun, standing around making awkward small talk with the same person all night is not fun. Don't try to push conversations too far, when you feel like it is time to move on, politely excuse yourself and move on.

7. Use your anchors

 By the middle of the evening you've hopefully found at least one or two people that you're semi-comfortable walking up to and asking how its going, as well as your friends that you came with. Well, this is where we start putting it together: you just left a conversation that wasn't going too well, looking for something new you see your friend talking to a couple people, you walk over, wait for a break, ask your friend how its going, and (s)he introduces you to the new group. See how it gets easier? This is the importance of anchor points and of not bunching up at the party. Approach the party this way and your network will grow exponentially. At the next party instead of 1 or 2 anchor points, you have 5 or 6 and can easily bounce between different groups of people as you please.

8. Be awesome

This is another point that may seem a little wishy washy. What I mean here is try your best NOT to judge. Remember that each of these people are not you. They have their own morals and ideals, they had their own upbringings, and they have their own foibles and insecurities. Nobody wants to be judged, but my theory is when you feel judged by someone, it is then going to be your tendency to judge others to try and pump yourself up in your own mind ("I'm not that bad, I'm clearly better than that guy!"). Try and approach every situation with no expectations and an appreciation for the fact that everyone is different. You don't necessarily have to agree with them, but you do have to respect that they are not a clone of you.

This alone will go a LONG way towards earning other people's respect and friendship. This will make them more comfortable with you (remember it's a two way street) and will make those conversations easier. Remember, as cliche as it is "treat others the way you'd wish to be treated" is especially true. Don't waste your time on people that aren't awesome, but at the same time, don't expect people to waste their time on you if you are not awesome. The cold truth is that no one wants to be friends with a negative, judgemental douche.

As you become more comfortable your personality will shine through. Embrace it. Are you the dance machine? Go for it! Like telling jokes and making people laugh? Let that side of you shine through! People won't remember the menial small talk, they will remember the small moments that make the night "epic" like that crazy battle rap or that guy that randomly started doing back flips. As you feel more and more comfortable don't be afraid to let some of your personality shine through. This is where parties go from a "stressful experience" to insanely fun.

9. Say goodbye

This last one is just something that I do, I think it makes a difference. In fact maybe I shouldn't tell you this secret and just keep it for myself, but I think it makes a difference. This is the easiest one to do too: say goodbye. If I've met someone at a party who I think is an awesome person, I make a point of going to them at the end of the night and saying goodbye.

It's kind of weird, I've actually read advice that says specifically NOT to do this as it leaves the evening on a "down" note. By announcing that you are leaving you are affecting the energy negatively, if you slip away without people noticing the energy goes unchanged. I see where this is coming from, but I still don't agree. Thinking that just me leaving could effect a party that much is incredibly egotistical. I mean, I am full of myself, but I am not that full of myself...

I like to say goodbye to people because for me it's a way of showing that the time I spent with that person is more meaningful than the other interactions that I had that night. It's a way of showing respect; that I enjoyed spending time with you so I want to go out of my way to demonstrate that in some way. It also has two other benefits: 1. It lets you tie up any loose ends throughout the evening, like trading numbers with that awesome dude so that the two of you can go climbing sometime, and 2. As I mentioned, by showing the other person that respect, you will stick out in their mind as an awesome person the next time you meet.

In fact, I didn't even think of this one until the last party I went to, I went to say goodbye to a friend and her response was "Aww... You actually came down to say goodbye!". I didn't even realize it, but something so simple as saying goodbye to someone can mean a lot.

Once you have a few friendly faces at a party it becomes significantly easier to float around and meet new people. You might not always know everyone at a party, and you may even find yourself at a few parties where you know no one. It's not easy, but this is what I did to grow my group of friends and have been lucky enough to meet LOTS of interesting people at parties. If you have trouble talking to people at parties hopefully some of these things will work for you. And if you see me at a party, come say hi! I'll introduce you to some people...

The Best Year Of My Life

I know, I know. I haven't written anything in a while and now it looks like I am gearing up to write a January/New Year  "I love my life here's my resolutions" mush fest. Well I kinda am, so I don't really have a comeback for that, but I think I learned some very important lessons in 2015 that have changed my life. Yes, like a lot of people in January every year, I think last year WAS the best year of my life. It was certainly a very challenging year. And I definitely learned a lot.

For me, 2015 was a year of "finding myself" (I know you're probably now picturing me sitting barefoot, crosslegged on a log holding an acoustic guitar, while people play hacky sack around my and one dude slack lines in the background). I faced a lot of challenges in 2015, and I am still facing them; 2015 was only the beginning and I'm looking forward to making 2016 just as good.

Looking back quickly in reflection, it is easy to say that 2015 is going to be hard to top. I learned a LOT about love and what I need in a relationship. I learned about what I need to be happy in a career. I came to new perspectives about life and how I want to "build" myself as a person. I lost a LOT of weight and gained more confidence in myself as a person. Most importantly I found the most AMAZING new group of friends who have really helped me remember what it is like to feel "worthy" as a person and I love all of them. My friends have helped change my life more than anything in 2015. I know that I could never thank them enough or repay them for what they have done for me, but really, that's what friends are for, all I can do is show them the same respect and try to be as much of a positive in their lives as they are in mine.

I don't believe in resolutions. I think resolutions are stupid promises you make to yourself in the beginning of the year with really no intention of keeping them. Most resolutions are broken and discarded long before February ever gets here. So why resolve to change only once a year and then abandon it as quick as you made that resolution? You'll never improve as a person that way! For me I think it's more effective to take a list of lessons that I learned in the last year and apply them to make the next year better.

2015 is going to be hard to top, and in fact I'm not even going to try. I'm going to make 2016 awesome in it's own right. I'm going to try to keep improving as a person so that at the end of 2016 I can look back and again call it "one of the best years of my life". 2015 was just the beginning, I have big plans for 2016. Here's some of the things that I learned last year, and some of the ideas that I am taking forward to make 2016 great!

1. Surrender to the moment

At the risk of sounding a little bit like a "hippy" or however you want to caricaturize this sentiment, one thing that I need to try and do more of is "surrender to the moment". I don't think that this means to be oblivious to everything else past and future going on in your life. Nor do I think that this means you are simply "going as the wind takes you", but that your mind is in the moment 100% of the time.

An interesting thought that I read recently is that your "soul" traps energies when you resist them, and keeps these impressions inside you. When the asshole cuts you off on the highway, you're not just mad at that asshole, you're all of a sudden mad at all the assholes that have ever cut you off (the "imprinted" energy being agitated inside you) and your anger is now directed at this particular asshole. Your mind is no longer present in the moment but thinking of the asshole that cut you off last week, imagining what you want to say to this asshole that just cut you off. You are no longer in the moment and are not able fully deal with the next moment when it comes (a really good read, although a little "spiritual" is The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, I really recommend it). If you can relax, and let the energy pass through you (you still experience it, but don't cling to it so the issue doesn't compound itself), you will be more clear to deal with the next moment, and less reactive the next time someone cuts you off.

For me these "stored energies" have the power to ruin a mood, ruin a day, sometimes ruin a week. Learning to let go of these energies so that I can "be in the moment" and deal with whatever is at hand is something I need to get better at in 2016, and although this is something that I only came to think late last year, I consider it one of the ways that I learned to deal with my life in 2015. This is definitely one thing I will continue to work on, not just in the interest of happiness, but in the interest of being able to deal with my life rationally and positively rather than reactionary (which is how I think I have been living). The key is to realize that I am not my emotions, I am not the sum of all the times I have been cut off, I am only experiencing the anger of being cut off and I can either choose to hold on to that anger and keep it in me, or experience it and let it go.

2. DON'T trust in the world around you

I think this is a HUGE trap, or at least it was for me. The trap was "You don't need to have everything figured out, just study hard and you'll be fine". Well for me, the problem was I never really stopped to think where I was headed, my thoughts were always "Well if I ensure that I am interested in the journey, I'll be interested in the end". Driving East from Vancouver you get to see the spectacular Fraser Valley, next the Okanagan lakes, then the Rocky Mountains. But if you keep driving toward Winnipeg, well, eventually you end up in Winnipeg...


The truth is you don't have to know exactly where you're going, but it's a good to have an idea of what you want to do when you get there. If you want to go skiing, you probably shouldn't drive to Vegas (although I'm sure there probably is skiing in Vegas...). I don't think our schools, our mentors, etc... do a good enough job of preparing us for the real world. And the truth is being smart and working hard simply aren't good enough, you still can and will make wrong turns. You need to know yourself and what you want in life; if you have an idea of the destination, it doesn't matter the path you take, you can always find a way, but if you don't know the destination you will always be lost.

"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." - Steve Jobs

The world around you does not exist to make you happy. It doesn't show you the way to live, and for the most part, it won't show you how to be "successful". In fact, for the most part, the world--or more accurately the people--are actively taking more than they need, making the world a worse place for everyone but themselves, and there is no "sharing" even though they took more than they can possibly use in this lifetime. If I met a person that personified this I would not trust them at all, yet we trust that because of this system we built, everything will be OK. I think it's time I started thinking more for myself and trust less that corporations and companies ever have my best interest in mind.

3. Be more creative

I think people are a naturally creative species. Some people "seem" more creative as they are better artists, musicians, writers, etc... but there is (in my opinion) just as much creativity in a well thought out business plan, a well designed experiment, or a tricky piece of computer code. For me, when I get a chance to be creative I feel more fulfilled, I feel more satisfied with what I've done, and I'm more engaged while I'm doing it.


This actually really ties in to the point above. One question I struggled with is "Who is Nick?". Let me tell you, as someone who suffered from lack of self esteem, lack of self confidence, and would routinely (and still do) put on a "character" to try and impress people, to be accepted. One side effect of doing this for many years is truthfully I am not sure that I know who "Nick" is anymore. But one thing that I am kind of excited about is figuring that out again and working to make myself a more "round person". Being creative gives me an outlet to explore myself more, and as long as I am doing this for me and my own enjoyment it can be an avenue for growth instead of a source of anxiety.


In my mind, creative outlets let you discover who you really are. It let's you explore things you like, it let's you look closely at things you admire, and it provides an avenue for continuous self improvement (if you wish to take it). Admittedly I had this all wrong the whole time. I always looked at creative outlets as something to be "good" at, something you could point to as a skill to try and impress people. Doing this actually invites people to judge you, and it does nothing to help "find yourself" if the reason is external. This is the trap I want to avoid in 2016; I have a few creative projects that I am working on for the first half of 2016, stay tuned if you are interested!

4. Be around good people

2015 was in some ways particularly hard because my entire life was turned upside down. I don't want to talk about this now, people close to me don't need to hear the story. Regardless, I found myself in a new city, with almost no friends, on my own. At the time, I had very little self confidence, very little self esteem, and to tell the truth, I was scared of being judged, of not feeling good enough, and I didn't want to put myself in that position.

Well let's tackle one fallacy right there. You are good enough. I was good enough. The only person I wasn't good enough for was me. And now that I have more self confidence and I know that the majority of people I meet are delighted by me (I'm a delightful person OK?), I don't really waste the mental energy on people that I'm "not good enough for". Why would I want to hang out with them if I'm not good enough anyways? That seems like an awful lot of energy trying to impress someone all the time.

This also doesn't mean that you should just find people that accept you for you and become complacent. Good people will push you to be the best you you can be. They will inspire you to be a better person, to be more accepting, to grow as an individual, to grow your individuality, to be more driven. The people closest to you will rub off on you, their ideals and passions will reinforce your own, but you are still responsible for your own growth.

To tell the truth, one of the things that rattled me the most was when I was told that my conversation was not interesting by a random stranger at a party (it also didn't help that it was an attractive girl, but that SHOULDN'T be a factor at all...). I realized the next day that it really was a superficial conversation, the conversational equivalent of empty calories. In fact, I wouldn't even remember the conversation if I hadn't been called un-interesting to my face. This has forced me to look inward at myself in an attempt to be less "superficial", to have more meaningful interactions and connections with the people I meet, and ultimately become a more "interesting" person.

5. Have a sense of "wander"

 Another trap that I got caught in is the gigantic lie of capitalism. OK, maybe not a giant lie to every one, but to me, for my own reasons, it is. The lie is that to be successful you need to have the big house, nice car, expensive TV, etc... Now you can't afford to quit that job that you hate because how would you pay for this life that you've built? It's a destructive hole to get sucked into, and feeling trapped is never pleasant. Let's not forget that if you are an employee somewhere, capitalism does NOT exist to make you (the employee) rich, it exists to make the shareholders rich. It's not fair that you're doing a ton of work and making money for your company and still only getting $40k a year. Sorry, that's how it is now. That's the world that capitalism built (OK, enough of my cynical views).

For me at least, it took looking outside this system to see that it's not really necessary. I realized that I could quit my job tomorrow, throw my stuff in storage, and go live in Mexico for a month VERY EASILY. If that's not privilege I don't know what is (and in fact, I'm planning on doing exactly this sometime this year). It took traveling to Mexico and seeing outside the system to realize that I am 28, I am young and fortunate enough to have realized that I have a choice to make at this point in life. I can dedicate my life to trying to get ahead in this rat race, or I can choose myself and enjoy the time that I have on Earth.

Looking around me, everything I see right now is a human construct. The computer I am typing on, the walls around me, the chair that I am sitting in; and in fact they are specific constructs of this "system" that I seem to have so much animosity for. Right now I cannot see the Earth, at all. I can't see outside this little bubble that I am in right now. It is hard to have perspective when you can't see anything else to give perspective.

The point is, it is easy to feel trapped when you can't see anything else, can't see a way out, and have little to no perspective. Having a sense of "wander" can help keep that perspective. Things that seem like a big deal within the walls of our bubble are not as big as we thought when we take a step back. You are the one that is trapping yourself, accepting that weekdays should be spent slaving at your job and weekends spent acquiring, using, or dealing with "stuff". Camping for a weekend easily shows that we don't need "stuff" to survive or even be happy. Plus I happen to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, why shouldn't I take more time to appreciate it? Whether it is visiting different countries, camping for a weekend, or even just seeking out new and different experiences within the city, it is important to keep different perspectives in mind in order to deal with our own stresses and anxieties.

6. Take time to reflect

 What happens when we get lost? We stop, we look around to see if there is anything we recognize, then we come up with a plan on how to improve our situation (Can I find my way out? Is there a trail to follow? Should I build a shelter?). To be truthful, if we had stopped periodically and took note of what's around us and the direction we came we probably would not be lost in the first place. Not to mention if we had stopped and looked around we would have seen that really beautiful waterfall and could have gone and seen it.

The point is that reflection is important, and I think it's too often overlooked. I talked about "knowing the destination" but you can't really know the destination if you don't know where you have been and are ambivalent to your experiences in getting there. This I think will be my biggest tool in growing as a person. "Who am I?" and "How can I be a better me?" are two questions I want to ask myself more frequently in 2016.


So, sorry if this turned into a "I love my life!!! OMG IT'S SOO AMAZEBALLS!!!11!!1" post but that's what you get. Another thing I want to do in 2016 is start writing more, I make no promises as I do have some fairly ambitious projects that I want to undertake this year. That said, I'd love to hear from you guys, let me know if you'd like me to write about something else, or if you just wanna grab coffee or something sometime. I'm not sure what I want this blog to turn into to be honest with you, but I am kind of interested to see where it goes...

The Smartest Person from High School

I grew up in a small town. My graduating class wasn't very big, but we had lots of smart people. I haven't kept up with everyone but I am sure some of them went on to be doctors or lawyers. Others of us went to grad school or other higher degrees. Considering we had one high school of like 700 kids it's fairly impressive, so everyone should go buy a teacher a beer this weekend.

But none of these people are the smartest person that I went to high school with.

The smartest person I went to high school with, for the sake of this story let's call him Terry. Now Terry was never the top student in the class, he was great at other things, athletic, well liked, I think he did good in classes but we didn't exactly have AP Chemistry where I'm from.

I worked with Terry and one day while we were probably supposed to be working we were talking about what we planned to do after graduating. Terry could probably have got into one of the major universities around, but he told me that he wanted to be a plumber. Plumbers make good money, they can find work in any city or town, there's always work, you can work for yourself and set your own hours.

It took me 4 years of university, 3 years of grad school, and 2 years working to learn what he already knew at 16.

Well, at least I'd like to think he thought this at 16. But what I'd like to think he thought is that being a plumber would let him have the security to pursue the lifestyle he wanted. What I've realized is that life sucks. Being a kid was WAY easier and way more fun than being an adult. Life is hard and to keep up, to keep passion for life you need to feed yourself.

I'm not talking about literally feeding yourself, that's pretty straight forward, if you don't eat you'll starve. As sappy as this is going to sound, I'm talking about feeding your soul. I'd like to think that Terry realized that work was never really going to fulfill him (or maybe it would), things outside of work would make him happier so he should choose a career that "feeds" him the most and let him do what he wanted to be happy.

It took me 7 years of post secondary education and 2 years of "on-the-job "training"" (yes, "training" gets extra quotation marks) to learn that I like learning. To keep myself happy in my career I need to keep putting myself in situations where I can learn. When I can't learn any more, it's time to put myself in a new situation.

I didn't go to my high school reunion. I'm sure all of my old classmates found success in one way or another. Terry is a plumber, and I think he works for himself. I'm still learning and I really hope it pays off with success in the long run.

Depression

Have you ever woke up in the morning and dreaded the day? Decided to just stay in bed because facing the day seems just too hard? And what's the point, life is shitty anyways. Now imagine feeling that every day.

To me, the best way to describe depression is you lose your passion. Things that you enjoyed you don't enjoy anymore. You stop caring, about people, about work, about school, about yourself. You give up, you feel like life is pointless, you stop enjoying everything. You feel helpless, you feel like no one understands you, you feel alone.

Or at least that was my experience.

We all seem to know someone who has suffered with depression. Yet the word depression is still so taboo. If you are depressed, you don't want to tell anyone because of the stigma associated with the word; "mental illness" means crazy right? You don't really want that social interaction anyways and you probably try to deal with it on your own.

For me, I didn't even know know I was depressed. I didn't know or understand what depression was. I just knew I wasn't happy, I was never happy. I had already given up but I didn't realize it because I could escape into the world of TV, video games, and the internet; these things didn't really make me happy but at least they can kill time. Then I came across a video published by a YouTuber called Hutch.

Before I watched this video, depression was what other people went through, not me. To me depression was associated with suicide. I wasn't suicidal, so how could I possibly be depressed? Understanding the breadth of what depression is isn't easy, and it's something that is constantly being redefined. That's not something I understood.

For me, even understanding it didn't help. Even realizing you're depressed doesn't help because it doesn't change the way you feel. The biochemistry in your brain doesn't change just because you know it's messed up. But what I eventually came to understand was that if I wanted to get out of it I would need to push myself a little bit at a time. Reconnect with people socially, start being more active with sports and the things that I used to enjoy. Understand that some days you just wont want to do it, you can't do it, you need to retreat and withdraw and that's OK. But little by little push yourself and really start enjoying things again.

For me, realizing I was depressed was the turning point; realizing led to wanting to do something about it.

This week being the anniversary of Robin Williams' suicide has made me reflect on my own experiences. I've always looked up to Robin Williams, I've always found his humor and his stand up funny and he has definitely influenced my sense of humor. But what I connect with now more than anything is that even if you are laughing and joking on the outside, it can just be a wall, you could be a completely different person when you are "switched off", and you might be really hurting inside. I really identify with that.

In marking this anniversary I want to encourage discussion and understanding about depression. I hope that sharing my experience and my thoughts might help someone else understand what they are going through. Or if you are depressed, I hope that you can find that passion again, that you can enjoy life again, and although I am not arrogant enough to think that this blog post can help you get through anything, but if you can take comfort in these words and hearing my story I am truly honored. The more we all understand, the better equipped we are to support the people we love, or help ourselves when we get depressed.

And although I still don't see any point in life, I'm going to enjoy it while I'm here.

10 Songs you need to listen to NOW! I mean it go, do it!

To me, music is an incredibly important thing. Music has the ability to touch us, but not in the creepy way like that weird uncle who has too many drinks at the family reunion. No, music has the ability to touch us right in the feels, which to me is incredibly cool because you have never met the singer, musician, cowbell player, etc.. and yet they can make you emote like some sick Jedi skill.

Certain songs connect to us, we associate them with memories and how we were feeling at a time. Music helps us get through the hard times and rock out during the good times. And, if there is a soul (which I think there is, but maybe that's a post for another time) I think that not only is it food for the soul, it's like a homemade lasagna that just makes you feel warm and full of love (I don't think love is technically paleo but WTF do a bunch of cave men know anywanys).

So here goes, here are 10 songs that mean a lot to me personally. Some of them have really deep emotional connections for me, some are just plain old awesome songs.

1. White Room - Cream



I'm going to go a step further here and recommend a specific version of this song. This version is a live performance from Royal Albert Hall in 1990.

For those who don't know me (or don't know this about me) I am a huge Eric Clapton fan. In my humble opinion he is easily one of the best guitar players of all time (not the best, but we'll get to that). Not to mention that EC himself has had an incredible life, made inspirational changes to himself, if you haven't read his autobiography I highly recommend it!

Now that I have rambled for a good minute or two, you might be thinking "What is Clapton doing on this list? Doesn't he mostly do soft rock like Tears in Heaven?" Oh boy could you ever be more wrong. Listen to the solo in this song. The man is Shreddy Kruger. Freaking Shreddy McShrederson. And all while making it look oh so easy. The kids in England in the 60's had it right, EC is GOD! This is just a good ol' song to rock out to, roll down the windows and turn up the speakers.

2. Stairway to Heaven - Led Zepplin



Ok, I know this one is terribly cliche, however, I am willing to bet that a lot of people have had the same experiences as me with this song. High school, someone with an acoustic plucking out the beginning bars, everyone singing around a campfire. This song brings back memories of being with friends, arguing over who was better: Jimmy Page or Jimi Hendrix.

Is this the greatest song of all time? Honestly, I don't know, but I do know lots of people who would say that it is. I'm not sure that there is anything else that needs to be said about this song. If you have never listened to it WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??!?!?!?! Seriously, listen to it. Now.

3. Sweet Home Chicago



Again, anyone who knows me well will know that I LOVE the blues. To me, this song represents what the blues is to me, an expression of style, of musicianship and of the soul. There are LOTS of different versions of this song, the one I linked here is a pretty damn good one. But all of them are good.

This song is originally credited to Robert Johnosn, the man who went to the crossroads and sold his soul to the devil. It has been covered by almost everybody who is anybody in the blues scene. I really do think that this is the blues in it's purest form, a simple 12 bar progression with some awesome wailing guitar over top. This song proves that blues isn't sad, it isn't all about trials and tribulations. Blues can be fun and is really an expression of whatever you want it to be. But it HAS to come from the soul, if it doesn't you can tell. Blues is an emotional (not just sad, but really any emotion) genre, I think that's why I love it.

Oh and by the way, this is the last performance of a Mister Stevie Ray Vaughan, literally just before the helicopter crash that claimed his life. Although tragic, it is almost poetically fitting.

4. YYZ - Rush



Archer/Krieger jokes aside, Neil Peart really does stand alone. This is kind of a newer addition to this list for me. The reason why it is here (aside from easily being the best drum solo of all time. Oh and the bass is pretty sick too) is because recently one afternoon at work we were having an argument over who is the best drummer of all time. Now why this is important was that it was a discussion among friends, and in particular among new friends whom I'd met recently. Now this song reminds me that you can always find new friends if you want. That there are lots of really cool people out there, and as long as you don't judge (one of the guys I was arguing with is a well meaning although strange guy that loves golf and video games and not much else) you can have some pretty awesome discussions. So always try to have an open mind about people.

5. Voodoo Chile - Jimi Hendrix



Ah yes, as promised the brief exploration into who is the best guitarist of all time. First of all, this is Voodoo Chile, not Voodoo Child, no slight return, Voodoo CHILE, there is a very important distinction here.

Now when I was younger, I had always heard people say that Jimi Hendrix is the best guitar player of all time. I never really understood it, I had no trouble believing it, but I never really understood it. This song completely changed that. It exploded my brainspace. It also helped that the first time I listened to this song was on vinyl, but that is a little beside the point. But the way Jimi can almost just make sounds, like not necessarily traditional scales, but just sounds, and it sounds really cool. Along with the driving bass line, I have literally thought that I was being put under a voodoo curse by this song.

To me this song represents what music could, and should be. An exploration of what music is, and what music could be. I would argue that Jimi Hendrix is not only the best guitarist of all time, but possibly one of the best MUSICIANS of all time. He pushed the envelope, he innovated, he explored sound and what was possible. I think the world would be a way better place if we all did this more often in all aspects of our lives.

6. Thugz Mansion - Tupac (Nas acoustic version)



Wait a minute, I thought this was a list of classic rock songs, why is Tupac here? Well number one, screw you, I am a man of varying tastes sir! And number two, c'mon, it's Tupac. This song is very special to me. Whenever I am angry I listen to this song. It reminds me that not only are there people that have it way worse than me, but those people have hope too. Those people also long for better things, better places, and better lives. Life isn't as bad as I think it is, whatever I am angry about is small. This song never fails to calm me down, to make me feel better. This song will always be a part of me.

7. Three Little Birds - Bob Marley



This song kind of goes with the Tupac song above. Above all else I love the message of this song. Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is going to be all right. There are so many things to worry about in this life, and if we worry about all of them what type of life is that? I really think that this song is almost an instructional tape on how to be happy. How to carry on in the spirit of Bob.

I was recently fortunate enough to get to travel to Jamaica. It is really paradise. One of the most beautiful places that I have ever been. Everything there was amazing, the food, the music, the people. When you are in paradise, you have to appreciate where you are and the beauty around you. As much as there is poverty in Jamaica, as much as they have been repressed as a people, and the history of the island, I think that this song really embodies the spirit of Jamaica, and I think that at least the Jamaicans that I met did appreciate the beauty of their island, I think we could all use more of this spirit.

8. Turn the Page - Metallica



This one was a difficult choice for me. I almost chose Children of the Damned by Iron Maiden because, well, Bruce Dickinson's vocals are freaking incredible on that track. However, I realized what I was trying to convey with Children of the Damned and with this Metallica version of Bob Seger's Turn the Page: both songs make me feel like a bad ass.

The reason I chose Metallica? It was a muggy Calgary afternoon in the middle of July. I was in Calgary as a co-op student and was heading home at the end of the day. As I was walking from the bus stop, it started pouring. And I mean POURING, thunderbolts and lightning (very very frightening) and the whole bit. I didn't have an umbrella, or a jacket for that matter, but this song came on my iPod and I walked, nay strolled, down the street getting soaked with my head up feeling like a complete bad ass. Now every time I hear this song, I remember that moment and feel like a bad ass all over again.

9. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles



Oh here come the feels.And yes, Mr. Clapton is making his third appearance on this list, I told you I was a fan ok? It's not just this version, EC does the guitar on the original version as well, I just couldn't seem to find the original version. But why this song is special to me, is how much sorrow there is, both in George Harrison's vocals, but for me especially in Eric's guitar. It expresses so much sadness, so much emotion and touches me so deep that honestly it does bring tears to my eyes every time I hear it. Legit, I can't hear this song in public haha.

I will always remember, my grandmother was incredibly sick and I had taken time off work to be with her. I remember getting the call that she had passed, that someone was coming to pick me up to go to the hospital to say goodbye. I got in the car and this song immediately came on the radio. I balled my eyes out. This song is special.

10. Hallelujah - KD Lang



I know what you are thinking "Nick we were with you on Tupac, but KD Lang?". Well number one, you are wrong, plus this is a Leonard Cohen song originally so it still kinda fits in. And number two, honestly this is another song that makes me ball my eyes out, especially this version. KD puts so much emotion into every note, every phrase, every breath. Honestly one of the most beautiful versions of one of the most beautiful songs ever.

Again, for this song, I was in Calgary, my Grandpa was very sick and I had just got the call that he had passed. I was sitting watching the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Olympics and this song came on, and I broke down. There is so much emotion here, it's really hard not to. Even to this day it brings a tear to my eyes.

Oh man, now that I am done crying, it is time to listen to Children of the Damned and feel like a bad ass again!

What are some songs that are special to you? How has music touched your life? Share below!