I have to admit, I never understood feminism.
Well, it’s not
that I never understood it, but to me too often the rhetoric seemed to be men
bashing and polarizing the movement into “Women vs. Men”. This made me
uncomfortable. I did nothing to infringe on your rights aside from being born
male, why am I confronted with and subjected to rhetoric that marginalizes me
and makes me feel guilty about my sex? Not to mention, at a glance it seems
like traditional gender roles in dating and romance place women on a pedestal;
the man is expected to initiate contact, be funny, charming, the traditional
expectation is for a man to pay for the date, etc…
I have to admit, I never really understood feminism. Growing
up in a “traditional” household in the 1990’s gender roles weren’t questioned.
My dad was the primary breadwinner, my mom worked in a clerical position. The
shining example of the post-war family ideal.
For International
Women’s Day earlier this week I wanted to explore what feminism is, I wanted to
point out that the often confrontational positions actually entrench male
stereotypical views and further polarize “men vs. women”, counterproductive
to making real progress. Of course women’s rights both at home and globally
need to improve, but further polarization could not possibly be the answer.
I wanted to point out that it is too easy to point the
finger at “men”, when it is not actually me and my “brothers” that created the
issue. And that while we are quick to jump to the aid of a woman’s body image,
embracing real bodies and decrying the hyper sexualisation of the female form,
men are also bombarded with unrealistic body images of six pack abs and
chiseled features. While men that objectify women are often looked down on with
derision by members of both sexes (“Dude, how could you possibly be that
shallow? C’mon, it’s 2016”) it seems I hear “Oh my god, Leo is so yummy!” or
some variation on that all the time, never accompanied by the same discussion
of “objectification of men”.
The more I dug into feminism, the more I read about
feminism, the more I found that I never really understood feminism.
There are still VERY real issues that women face, we cannot
belittle this. Women still tend to make less than their male counterparts,
although this has improved in the last few decades (the average salary of Canadian
women aged 25-34 has increased ~700% faster than men in the same age group).
However, the “Stereotype Threat” still keeps girls away from technologies,
sciences, and other traditionally male associated professions; the misfounded
assertion that math and science are “boy’s subjects” actually leads girls away
from these paths further supporting the patriarchal hierarchy in these fields.
It’s not that I ever discounted this, it just seems that these issues are
relatively minor compared to suffrage, land ownership, access to education, and
the other major feminist issues of the last century.
It seemed that “radical feminists” were pursuing ever
smaller victories with ever increasing ardour and “penis hate”. Maybe they
were, but I never really understood feminism.
I think confusion like mine is what is leading to the
creation of “Meninism” and other “men’s rights” groups that don’t necessarily
seek to empower, but just to oppose. Well guys, we don’t need “Meninism”
because guess what? Feminism already includes us.
I never really understood feminism, maybe I still don’t, but
this essay (http://time.com/4215897/alanis-morissette-feminism/)
from Alanis Morissette definitely helped my understanding.
Early feminism is focused primarily on women’s rights, on
achieving equal status for men and women. In developed nations the first waves
of feminism have come and gone, but there are still places in the world where
women’s rights are lacking; “Marital Exemption” in rape laws still exist in the
world, in Japan women are held to far higher standards than men, even here in
North America double standards exist that label some girls as “sluts” while
boys may be “players” or “pimp” or some other variation. This inherently is
women standing up for women’s rights and is the basis of “First Wave” and “Second
Wave” feminism.
But I think the new wave of feminism, or “Third Wave
Feminism” is completely different. Instead of men vs. women, it seeks to
recognize masculine vs. feminine. The patriarchal society actually marginalizes
everyone; traditional gender roles
take power over your own life away and set expectations regardless of gender.
That men should be engineers, firefighters and construction workers isn’t any
more true than that women should be nurses, teachers, and care givers. That men
should be stoic, not displaying emotions, pushing them down to eliminate any “weakness”
is just as damaging a sentiment as suggesting that a woman should be nurturers
and carers sacrificing career to fulfill “female tendencies”.
I never really understood feminism, or how polarizing a
discussion could lead to positive results. But realizing that everyone is both
masculine and feminine, to varying degrees, and that the feminine form should
be embraced and celebrated is something I can understand. That both masculine
and feminine NEED to be present and in balance seems natural to me. Taking this
stance includes women, men, transgender people, or however you gender identify.
It includes heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, pansexuals, or however you sexually
identify. It is an inclusive position that seeks to bring people together
instead of driving them apart.
I try to live my life by two philosophies (maybe I’ll write
about this another time). The first philosophy is: Don’t be a dick. To me this
is very far reaching and has extremely wide implications; that’s on purpose.
The key thing to remember is, first and foremost, we are all HUMANS. Regardless
of gender, sexuality, race, culture, religion, etc.. we are all people first,
we all have the same or similar basic needs, and we all share around 99.5% of
our DNA. If we can accept this, it doesn’t matter what our beliefs or anything
else are, at the very base of it all we all share something in common. Even if
we can agree on nothing else, we can agree that we are both human and can recognize
that about each other.
This inclusive attitude seems much more productive. We need
to work together to discuss how we can change attitudes, how we can eliminate
expectations, and how we can make society more tolerant and accepting for
everyone. It’s not useful to put “bro’s before hoe’s” or “sista’s before mista’s”,
there needs to be a balance, or homie-hoe-stasis… (ha! I love that joke and had
to use it…)
I still may not understand feminism, but I am happy to call
myself a feminist.
